Day 14:

Say to him, "I was thinking today about all of the things about you that I respect, & I want you to know that I really respect you." Exit the room. When he asks, if he asks, be prepared to give him at least three things.


1. I respect his hard world and willingness to get up and continue to work even though it may not be the best situation.


2. I respect the way that you are my biggest team mate and how hard you work to help me out. 


3. I respect you for communicating with me no matter what the issue may be. 

Day 13:

Initiate sex with your husband. Don't just respond; initiate. We believe that you should have sex on a regular basis. If a husband or a wife is deprived, he or she can be subjected to a satanic attack. Read 1 Corinthians 7:5. When either of you deprives the other, temptation comes. A husband can feel put down for who he is when rejected sexually. 


Sorry ladies---this one is NOT difficult for me. I completely agree that if a husband is not getting it at home---he's going to go somewhere else to get it. It's just THAT simple. 

Day 12: Prayer

Ask him how you can pray for him. We are assuming that he is a believer. If he is not, try it anyway, unless he has told you not to bring up spiritual things. For instance, if he is burdened about something at work, ask, "How can I pray for you that God will honor your good efforts?" Or, "I know that your boss has not been showing you the respect that he should, how should I pray for you?" Think of something that has been troubling him. 


This is something Stephen and I actually do quite regularly...YEAH---something we are doing right! Ha! As of right now we are currently in deep prayer for his job search and perhaps some future family planning in the near future.  

Day 11: Aspirations

Ask him about his dreams & desires. Say, "Honey, if you could do anything, what would you dream of doing? More than anything else, what would energize you?" Let him joke about sex, but say, "Apart from that, what would you most love to do & why?" He may ask you why you are asking him this. Just tell him that you were just curious & you wanted to know. After all, these are the kinds of questions that you might ask someone when you are dating to get to know them better. Don't be afraid of this. By asking these questions you are not committing to help him experience this dream. This is just a fun discussion. He isn't going to act on it just because you brought it up. Since God is at work in all of us to will his good pleasure, your husband might share things with you deep from his spirit. It will honor him that you will listen. 


This is one thing that Stephen and I talk about A LOT! Stephen is still searching (has been for over a year now) for that perfect job. It's hard to see someone that you love and care for deeply come home everyday depressed from a job that runs him down. I'm not saying he deserves better, but he worked so hard through college and he shouldn't be stuck where he is right now. It's hard to keep the faith, but that's what we have to do. 


His biggest dream is to have a job that he can use his expertise (the reason he went to college) and help people become healthier but most of all....something he LOVES. He loves fitness and wellness. So that would be FABULOUS! He likes to travel and weekends and nights off would have to be a MUST. I'm so tired of being without him throughout the week. I know it's not a lot to ask---and I will continue to pray and keep the faith.  

Day 10: Apologize

Apologize. Think back over the last couple of days (or weeks) when you should have apologized for something. Say, "I was reflecting on something that I said the other day. I said that disrespectfully. What I said was wrong. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?" He may have been 90% to blame. This is not done to re-open the subject.  You are apologizing for YOUR disrespectful part. If he starts justifying himself just say, "Honey, You don't have to get into that. I am apologizing for acting disrepectfully. Will you forgive me?" When he says, "Yes," respectfully say, "Thank you," & go do something else. Walk away. Please do not use this as an occasion to rehash the conflict. The showing of respect during this two weeks is not done for the purpose of getting him to look at his failure to love. You are showing respect in obedience to God's Word.


This for some reason is hard for me to do. I am praying that God will help be get over this because I should be able to apologize when I do something wrong. I am getting better than when we first got married, but I often find myself holding grudges or not communicating out of anger due to lack of forgiveness. I'm pretty sure everyone could use some help with this.  

Day 9: Interested

Lesson #9

Ask his opinion on some issue related to his expertise or interests. Phillipians 2:4 says, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." If he is a political junkie, ask a political question. If he is a sports enthusiast, ask a sports question. Ask a question in an area that interests him. You are also letting him know that you respect his insights. 

If you can get him to really get excited & you have several questions prepared, look out. He will be more than happy to talk about his interests with you. Go for it!

Day 8: Speak words of kindness

Lesson # 8

Relay a compliment about him. Reflect over the last few weeks. Did someone say something positive about him & honoring to you about your husband? Build him up (1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.") Say, "I forgot to tell you, but so and so said this about you....."

Day 7: Encouraging Words

Lesson #7

Leave a note for your husband that says, "Thank you for wanting to work hard for our family. Your desire & commitment makes me feel secure". Words are healing. Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." 

Hang in there. You are halfway through! Keep an open heart toward God. Let God act on your behalf in response to these plans. Proverbs 16:9 says, "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps".

Day 6: The Act of Selflessness

Lesson #6


Think of something that your husband would enjoy doing this evening. Say, "I'd like to watch the football game with you, when is it on"? Or, "I know that you have been talking about cleaning out the garage, I'd like to help". Whatever it is that he would like to do that you may not normally be interested in. If he declines, that is fine. You sent a positive message. If he says ok & the game comes on at 8pm, be there & excited. Maybe even go the extra mile. If he loves the Tennessee Vols, go ahead and put on some of that good ole' orange and white! Get your shakers out & get into it & make it fun!

If while you are spending this time together he says, "You have really changed. What has gotten into you"? Just say, "Thank you. Tell me again about the quarterback. Didn't he just have a run in with the law recently"? Then change the subject. Pull him out on some topic related to the activity. Please do not enter into any relationship discussions or talk about any arguments or negative feelings that you are having. We want you to learn that you can energize your husband simply by being with him. 

Day 5: Oh La La!

Lesson #5 - Squeeze his muscle & tell him he is strong. (stop laughing, I can hear you) Do not make a big deal about it. Just do it quickly & in passing. Remember, you are not a man & you won't get this. Commenting on his strength is commenting on his manhood. Maybe he has been working out & you can tell him that you are noticing his changes while you squeeze his muscles. If that isn't an option, maybe you could just tell him that you want to feel his strong muscles to see what they feel like. Then you could compliment him. Adam even suggested that you simply ask to see his hands. Tell him that you never realized how strong his hands looked. He says this is something that would mean a lot to him. (Plus it might feel more comfortable for you.) Don't forget, I am doing these challenges too. However, I am at a disadvantage because Adam knows what each day calls for. I have to be extra sly & sincere so he knows that it isn't just a task. See, you guys have it easy. Don't make excuses, just do it! 

When you think about all the times you wished your husband had complimented you and did not- you will realize how that made you feel. This is same for men. This is something they work hard on and we should be recognizing these things about our husbands. So- go ahead....squeeze and I bet he will flex that muscle--just for you! ;)

Day 4: Loving and Respectful Tongue

Lesson #4 - When your husband is around, say something honorable about him in front of your children or his peers. Perhaps say, "When it comes to math, few are as smart as your dad. Why don't you ask him to help you with that question." Or, "Your dad works every day so that we can live in this home. He is a very hard worker." Or, "Do you know what I admired about your dad when we first met? It was....."

This kind of thing is not hard for us women. We are only talking about a few sentences. God has gifted us to communicate. If you are thinking that you can't do this, you are lying to yourself. The truth is that you don't WANT to say something honorable to a man that you don't feel is as nice as he should be to you. You are locked into the idea that he must earn your respect. I know that you might be upset with him & that he should also be honoring you. Remember, the most mature one moves first. The more respect you give, the more opportnity he has to (in return) show love. A mature wife looks beyond her husband & speaks these words because the Lord wants us to. 

1 Peter 3:9 says, "not returning.....insult for insult, but give a blessing instead."
You can give a verbal blessing. No sweat!

Day 3: Respect

Lesson #3 - Tonight make his favorite meal or dessert. (Or both!) Proverbs 31:15 says, "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls".

You are making deposits into your marriage. During this two week period be prepared for your husband to do something unloving. You have greeted him, hugged him, & made his favorite meal, but later he yells at you for moving his keys. Ignore it. Don't throw your hands up saying, "Respecting you doesn't work. You are as unloving as ever." You are fasting from complaining for two weeks. Lower your expectations. You can't expect him to change in every area of his life because you did three nice things. Do this for God & not for your husband. God commands you to do this.

As I sit and read this challenge- I am guilty for sitting in my sweatpants and a t-shirt. As I read this- I agree that I would have NEVER worn this in the years that we were dating. NEVER! I KNOW that regardless of what I have on, Stephen will still compliment me on how beautiful I am. However even when I'm just sitting at home waiting for him to come home, I feel that I should put extra time into looking better for him. So along with Women's Marriage Ministry, I do strongly encourage all of you to examine yourself to see if you are in fact giving your husband "your best efforts". I am also working on this myself, so let's not just make his favorite meal or dessert- let's hop in the shower, fix up our hair and put on the "extra" makeup....yea you know what I'm talking about- add the eye liner and the eye shadow (or whatever it is you DO NOT do on a daily basis). Spruce it up and get out the "good plates and cups" and set the table. Light some candles and TURN OFF THE TV! Let him know just how special he is. 

Day 2: The Big Reveal

Hawaii 2010

Lesson #2 - Greet your husband & give him a hug. Let him know again that you missed him or were thinking about him today. Again, this is secondary to what you are really feeling. Just do it. If he says something like, "Wow, two days in a row. Do you want money or something"? Ignore it. He is saying this to you because he is noticing your actions & they feel good to him. What may feel like sarcasm to you is playful bantering to him. After you hug him, leave the room. Don't allow for a conversation about your new behavior. This isn't a game,- just trying to avoid getting into a discussion of unresolved issues that you are not equipped to handle just yet.


I have realized in past times that I do this- it literally lights Stephen's face up! It makes him feel special and wanted at home. I hate myself for putting other things ahead of my own husband. I am however, working on this and plan to continue doing this everyday. I love Stephen, sometimes I just let other things become more important than him and I am putting a stop to it. 

Day 1

Lesson #1 - Tonight or tomorrow when your spouse comes home, greet them at the door. Don't yell from another room. Physically meet them at the door. Let them know that you missed them today. (even if you didn't). If this is not possible to do it this way due to your schedules, then be sure to make him feel like you missed him & you are happy to see him when you are face to face.


I am guilty for NOT doing this everyday. I get so consumed in stupid little things that  I completely forget about how important "little things" are. This is crucial and is definitely something to keep high on the priority list to keep my man from feeling forgotten. 

Love and Respect 14 Day Challenge

So, on my way to school this morning I heard something that really spoke to me on KLove so I wanted to share it with all of you! So I've read that over 41% of first marriages end in divorce. This number is not big- I realize that-- BUT it's not great at all. There is not a day that goes by that I do not pray for our marriage and my husband. This is not something that I started doing the day we got married. I know that as an engaged couple we were both advised to do this as we started our new marriage but I really did not put it high on my priority list. As the years have gone by I have realized just how important these things are and how VERY important they are do on a daily basis. I am always looking for ways to better my marriage and better myself as a wife. We have had our share of problems, but I have never loved Stephen more than I do today! So back to what I heard today- it's called the Love and Respect 14 Day Challenge and I'm on it! Check out the Women's Marriage Ministry Blog for details! Aimee has created this blog for wives but can benefit EVERYONE! It's a great way to get to understand each other because let's face it---NO ONE CAN READ OUR MINDS ladies! So, let's go- let's do this together!